What if... [TW: sexual assault]
What if,
I didn't scream?
What if,
I wasn't strong enough?
What if,
You could imprisoned me there?
What if,
The house was empty?
What if,
I didn't lie?
What if,
I wasn't strong enough?
What if,
I couldn't run?
Would you blame me there?
In those scenarios?
Would I finally be the victim?
Because right now people just look at me like I am crazy.
Was he
Always like this?
Will he
Forever be the same?
Did he
Do it to others?
Or was I
The first prey?
Did he come to my house with his mind all made up?
Or did he just saw me and said: "Want to bang her right now."
Is that how it works?
Was it really just words?
Was it really just touches?
Was it really just a kiss?
Or did he wanted all my body?
Do I want those questions answered...
When was it
When you decide this was not worth it,
Was it when I started telling you to stop?
Was it when I started screaming?
Or maybe when I lied to you
And told you that I had a boyfriend?
Is that what made you run out of my house like that?
Have you thought that you did something wrong
In that moment?
There and then.
Or is it just a casual feeling for you,
Violating someone smaller than you?
Have you ever thought you did something wrong
Now?
Or did you already forget?
Have you thought how you made me feel?
The kind of nightmare that I am living?
Nightmares, so horrible,
That I don't like to sleep?
That I need to go sleep with my parents.
That I feel like a little child.
My cries at night;
Because of those "what if"'s.
Because of "why".
Because of the reminder that "you were my friend,
I trusted you, why did you do that?".
Did you really think I would shut up,
Like you "asked" me to?
Did you forget who I am?
HOW I AM?
I told everyone, BITCH!
I told all our friends;
And you know what?
I felt better,
I felt relieved.
You think you'll come back?
Guess again, genius!
I will make sure
Not only that you never come back,
But that you get yourself check.
Because violating my human rights
You shouldn't have messed!
I will make sure you never touch
A 16 year old,
And to that matter,
Any woman
Like you did to me.
I will make sure you learn the word no,
Another great quality
That isn't yours.
Because what you did was
ABUSE OF POWER,
SEXUAL ABUSE
AND
VIOLATING MY RIGHTS.
You think I am exaggerating?
Well, think twice.
I checked,
And those are facts.
People were not saying only big words to me,
They were rights.
Thank god,
I WAS STRONG ENOUGH!
Thank god,
I SCREAMED!
Thank god,
I RAN TO THE HILLS!
Thank god,
I MADE YOU LEAVE!
Because if you had done what you were planning to do to me,
Then, Oh boy!
MY PEOPLE;
MY PARENTS;
MY FRIENDS AND FAMILY
WOULD'VE MADE SURE
YOU
WOULDN'T SEE THE LIGHTS OF DAY AGAIN.
Made: 24/03/2018.
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