The Little Crystal's Journey

What if, I didn't scream? What if, I wasn't strong enough? What if, You could imprisoned me there? What if, The house was empty? What if, I didn't lie? What if, I wasn't strong enough? What if, I couldn't run? Would you blame me there? In those scenarios? Would I finally be the victim? Because right now people just look at me like I am crazy. Was he Always like this? Will he Forever be the same? Did he Do it to others? Or was I The first prey? Did he come to my house with his mind all made up? Or did he just saw me and said: "Want to bang her right now." Is that how it works? Was it really just words? Was it really just touches? Was it really just a kiss? Or did he wanted all my body? Do I want those questions answered... When was it When you decide this was not worth it, Was it when I started telling you to stop? Was it when I started screaming? Or maybe when I lie...

If you knew how you scared us. If you knew how I am: Having this feeling inside me, Once again.  If you knew how tortured, Your father and I were. I wish I could have told you, My baby girl. I'm sorry, I did this. I should have warned you. But now it is too late  For remorse. I'll help you sweet child. You'll be fine. I'll tell you everything We'll be fine! I'm sorry, I did this! You don't deserve it! It's a curse, I'll tell you how it is. I'm sorry, I did this I should have warned you. But now it is too late For remorse. If you knew that you scared us! If you knew how I am! This feeling inside, Once again. This feeling inside, Once again. Made the 8/01/2018. At that moment, I wanted to write a letter as the point the view of my mother but at the same time as a mother too. When I was almost assaulted, that fateful day,  I saw how this destroyed my parents were. They did...

Trigger Warning: suicidal language! I want death to say: "Darlin', you'll be just fine, Nobody is going to miss you when you die. You are better of in the afterlife." I want death to say: "You're not making a mistake, This is what you were made to make. So let's just get this over with!" I want death to say: "Darlin', you'll just be fine, Grandma is here and so am I, We were waiting for you this whole time." I want death to say: "Baby, we all make mistakes, Sometimes we fall, sometimes we crawl And sometimes it hurts so much we crawl." I want death to say: "Sometimes life isn't worth it, Just take the pills, I'll be there, my dear. I will make everything go away." I want death to knock on my door, To come inside my home. To tell me everything is going to be alright. That I am better off dead than alive. Made the 25/01/2014, changes on 27/12/2017, posted at 3 am 2020.

TRIGGER WARNING in this blog I will be discussing suicidal thoughts, self-harm, sexual assault, starvation and dealing with an mental illness (Borderline Personality Disorder). I have been through enough to tell you how easy it is to get triggered. Take care of yourselves and be safe! This is my space, my secret garden, my place to hide. I could have been crying. I could have been tired. I could have been angry. Or only just plain mad. Do not [the next posts] by heart. I still love you all, But pain and hurt can make you weird. I could have been praying. I could have been hurting. I could have been hating. Or only just numb. But I didn't, so I made this space. P.S: The following pages are just "poetry"/"songs" lyrics and some slam of things that were happening to me in that moment. They will seem dark, they may seem harsh but it was just one dark moments of many. I am in a good place now: mentally, physically and emotionally. Plea...